Don't Sink

There are times I’m overwhelmed by my worries, thoughts, feelings, circumstances. I feel like I’ve been doggy-paddling through the multitude of emotions, managing to keep just my head above the deep.

Then I get tired of the effort and get subdued. Usually it isn’t my entire head plunged in at once, but gradual submissions. First my chin, then my nose, next I’m completely at the mercy of the waves; and they have no mercy, they have no goal but to be supreme. That’s why you can’t begin that slow submersion; you can’t give a little because it takes your all. 

The problem isn’t that I’m feeling overwhelmed, the problem is that instead of giving that fight little by little to God, I give little bits of me to the fight. I give in to the struggle a little because I think I’ll feel better. I give in to each wave of new emotion instead of trusting that God is keeping me afloat. Next thing I know, I’m no longer above the waves. 

Either way, I’m submitting, but I make the error of submitting to the waves instead of submitting the waves to God. I think I’m tired of fighting, tired of being strong, I’m tired of dodging those thoughts, tired of denying them. Being tired is okay—expected--as long as that’s the moment I cry out to God because I’m afraid I’m going to drown. Instead, I find I push Him out of my mind and stop paddling. But not now. I’m asking God “help me.”